Healthcare

Healthcare

Healthcare! If tomorrow a universal cure for cancer was found, ninety percent of cancer patients couldn’t afford the treatment. The cost of living has been priced out of the market. The combination of galloping capitalism, and high end technology has pushed us closer and closer to the marketing of Soylent Green. When the government got involved, and called itself Obamacare it laid the cornerstone for the canning factory because the recycling of citizens is the only way to recover the cost of socialized medicine.

After a seven year think tank by the republicans, Paul Ryan now wants us to believe that they can sort this mess out in seven weeks. If you believe his Power Point explanation, have I got a bridge for you, and it’s on sale. Oh, there will be a fifty percent deductible on that bridge, just saying. Now look what you get for your money. For beginners, you get big Pharma. A cup of hot tea and two aspirin are replaced by a two hundred dollar prescription. Don’t you just love those ads on TV? They’re all the same. Some girl looking concerned in the beginning, then the doctor shows her the name of some new wonder drug on an iPad . Well, first off we could cut costs by making doctors use those little three by five pads they used to WRITE prescriptions on. Then the commercial progresses to the girl, apparently free of her constipation, frolicking among the heather like she’s fourteen years old again. Then come those fast talking warnings. “If you develop chest pains, a sudden rise of blood pressure, moodiness, suicidal thoughts or bloody diarrhea contact your doctor immediately. In very rare cases a few people have experienced their butt falling off.” Then, it snaps right back to the girl on a carrousel in a park. Lady! Eat spinach!

One of the problems is nobody wants to think about preventive medicine when they are young. They want smoke, and drink, and dance until the dawn. Long about forty or so Karma turns out the lights and the party’s over. Then they turn to the government and ask, “What you gonna do!” Well, what the government does is gives you Obamacare. If you develop bloody diarrhea or your but falls off call Paul Ryan immediately!

How are we going to fix this? Well in a word, we can’t. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die, and unfortunately our ticket is already punched. Big Parma is not going to get off the express train of development, and doctors do not endure all those years of schooling and training to apply for food stamps. We all want that cancer cure, but when was the last time you sent a check to the American Cancer Society, or Saint Jude’s? You didn’t, did you? And all those young protestors in the street are full of Big Macs and Chicken McNuggets. All in a three legged race for the big four O! God DOES have a sense of humor. So, the government is going to fix Obamacare. Parting thought. The government NEVER downsizes. Look out for Obamacare Plus! Now, take four aspirins and read me in the morning.

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